A Poem, A Page of Thought by Heidi Valdez

Words about personal mixtures of depression, anxiety, loss, and heartbreak.

"My eyes want to focus on the lights of a late night stage, yet its too blinding for someone who's barely learning how to see again

My mind drifts into a video playlist titled "scenarios that possibly won't happen but that feel like they would so it affects your heartbeat none the less" 

Imagination is a walk in the park and then a fall down your stairs, maybe both at the same time

Good, bad, good, bad, maybe neither? Maybe both? Depending, right?

Walk past someone you used to know, how does it feel?

Walk past someone you barely know, does it feel different?

Stand by them, talk to them, cry over them, admire them, walk away from them, breathe alone, wishing wellness for everyone, almost forgetting to wish wellness for yourself, wish wellness for yourself, catch yourself, dance, breathe, cough, take a break, not too many breaks, drink a beer, share a beer, love your friends, miss your friends, miss your friends a lot, draw your friends, draw anything, paint and draw a shit load, hold the person you love, hold their hand, they might need it today, dream, please dream some more, sleep and wake up, know when to let go, know when to hold on, know to know what is more healthy emotionally for you, be sad, be happy, be angry, be calm, thank you, I appreciate and regret sometimes but, I love you, I love you, I love you. Vent to me, vent to me, I am here.

I want to get close yet I might be used to stepping away at the thought of my trys. I want to smile and cry and eat a bagel all in that order, I would like to drive with friends and take them aquaducts and sometimes I will get anxious but thats okay, because it happens and I'm not alone.

Sometimes I want to be alone but sometimes become afraid to show that I want to be alone! 

I do not want to care but I do, so is this statement really true?

I want to help myself and help others and believe that it is possible to help others while being unable to help yourself, so is it possible, maybe help yourself for now? How do you live, how do you routine on a daily basis? Do you smile at your reflection in the morning? Encouraging and inspiring and breaking down and moments of despair, all needed, to live, to love, to touch, fingertips are sensitive? Our skin is sensitive, in our own ways, for our own reasons, does a memory come to mind? Maybe distant, maybe recent? A few minutes ago, a few years ago? Perhaps with someone, perhaps alone?

Memories, you miss them, you feel them, you dread them, you accept them, acknowledge them. At the moment, maybe it was hard? Maybe it wasn't? Depending, right? That's okay, you'll be okay. 

You'll be okay, you'll be okay, okay? Hold your hand, right now, if you want, touch your cheek, walk it off, walk what off? I dunno, anything, everything? You're okay, you'll be okay."