Is it for real? (Signs that your relationship is headed nowhere.)

I never thought of myself as an emotional person, I can count on one hand that amount of times I’ve cried in a year, I usually don’t take most relationships seriously unless they hit a certain mark but rarely do they, and being around really emotional people usually makes me feel like I’m breaking out in hives. But for some reason this mystical creature came into my life and all logical thought went completely out the window. Behavior that I would usually see as red flags suddenly became acceptable, I found myself making lists of excuses for him when he would cancel on me last minute. For example one time he left me in a Del Taco parking lot at 1 a.m even though he told me he was on his way (I will probably be forever angry at that one.) He did real douche-bag things like ignoring my texts for a whole weekend but posting on social media, just to show me he’s out drinking with his buds. Keeping me very close, bringing me over to hang with his friends and family but any conversation that was deeper than surface level stuff made him freeze up cold. I realized too late that this man, whose name I was one step away from doodling on the cover of my non existent notebook, wasn’t in love with me. The whole ordeal left me confused, we had exchanged I love you’s and I hadn’t told someone that who wasn’t in my immediate family in years. I realized that I had missed all of the signs and not just the hidden signs but the signs that he was deliberately throwing my way but kept me around because he probably found it amusing or plain pitiful. Here’s five signs that your relationship with your boo is probably unhealthy or is heading absolutely nowhere:


You both usually get drunk or do drugs when you spend time together:

Looking back I think half of the great times that we had together occurred during a drunken haze of too much Tequila … or was it beer? It’s important that the memories you’re making are sober memories, stuff that you guys can’t “blame” on the alcohol  when one of you sobers up and realizes that you said too much about yourself. There were many times were drunken and in the heat of the moment we would make promises or pretty serious propositions to each other but in the morning, when the booze wore off those promises, along with last night's dinner, went straight down the toilet.


Just because you both like the Eric Andre show doesn’t mean you are soul mates:

You have to ask yourself, other than having sex and staring at this person, what do we have in common? It’s dope dating someone with opposite views on things than you, but if you both find yourself doing things that neither of you enjoy on the regular to please the other person, this probably isn’t going to work out.


Your best friend warned you about them:

If you’re friendship is a real good one there’s a big chance that they know more about you than your own mom. Your best friend has been there through all of the weird phases, bad haircuts, and all of the weird guys that you have dated over the years.  They have probably the best out look on why your relationships are always falling to shit because they have all of the gorey details and can properly dissect them without letting their emotions cloud their judgement. As time went on and more damage was done, only they could see that the boat that I had cinder blocked myself too was sinking.  (Pro tip: If your best friends nick name for the person you're currently dating is Satan, you probably shouldn’t be with this person.)


Their heart is like the wall of the north (Icy and impenetrable):

Everyone opens up and reveals little pieces of their inner-selves over time. The kind of things maybe you’d whisper to you best friend at  2 a.m during a sleepover when you both were supposed to be sleeping. Does this person seem emotionally unavailable? Do they suddenly have a gas mask and Febreeze the second a whiff of something deep comes their way? How can you guys have late night twitter talks IRL if they can’t even tell you that one time they felt small? I would try and try again to talk to them about their past and things that were currently bothering them but they would would shut me out, change the subject, or gloss over the details.  


You can’t be yourself around them (this includes farting):

I have never been one to shy away from confrontation, I’ll confront the lady in the grocery store who keeps giving me the side eye to the bitchy coworker who only speaks in passive aggressive undertones. Yet, I was afraid to confront them about things that upset me or bothered me because I was terrified that they’d shut me out. I was also weird about talking about certain passions of mine because they seemed genuinely disinterested. Your partner should be or at least pretend to be interested in the things that move you. I think the closest I got to speaking my grievances was when he drove to my house at 1 a.m to break up with me, I remember trying my hardest not to cry because my throat closes up and anything I say after that becomes a jumbled up mess but with every question came more tears.


You are probably more in “love” with the idea of them and not actually them:

This one is hard to accept because it means that yes, you’re the asshole in this situation too. You have to realize that if this person never opened up to you, you never truly felt like yourself around them, and most of your good times and memories were fueled by alcohol and emotions that neither of you were quite ready for, that you were totally content with being with a surface level, manic pixie version of them and that’s not who anyone is. This is what hurts the most because I had to look back on fond memories and accept that I was only with a shallow body, a placeholder for the real thing and that maybe I was in love simply, because I wanted to be. You have to realize that maybe you’re Tom in 500 days of Summer and that they’re Summer and that you totally let them take a shit on your chest, and that you kind of deserved it.